Vuran / Harbers Communications means failing - Workbook

How to build communication bridges
1. Auflage 2021
ISBN: 978-3-7664-8041-5
Verlag: Jünger Medien Verlag
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Deutsch, 184 Seiten

The workbook - Put into practice what you have learned. In this digital age, successful communication has become more important than ever. But why do we fail so often in our conversations? Why do so many misunderstandings arise? Our experience shows: The focus in conversations is too often solely on the content. The exchange can only be successful if we and our counterparts are also emotionally receptive and we give each other the authorization to communicate. Learn how to lay the foundation for successful communication in order to better understand other people, convince them effectively, inspire them to act and lead them. After having read this book, its contents will accompany you constantly whether in private or in business discussions, listening to or giving presentations or while writing emails independent of the context and across generations.

Atilla Vuran: For many years, Atilla Vuran has devoted himself to the question of how best the topic of emotional receptiveness in interpersonal relationships can be implemented, and has additionally set himself the goal of substantiating his empirical research scientifically. He is resolved to improving the interplay of authorization and emotional receptiveness in the leadership context. He is an entrepreneur, author of several books, and owner and founder of PONTEA AG. Dr. Nina Harbers: As an engineer, Nina Harbers was repeatedly confronted with the fact that well-founded specialist knowledge is not sufficient to effectively convince and guide people: Receptiveness and authorization are the key factors. She is an experienced executive trainer for companies, institutes and universities and leads train-the-trainer courses at PONTEA AG.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Atilla

Vuran,

Nina

Harbers,

Leseproben

3Emotional Receptiveness – Specifics

3.1Individual Filters

3.1.1Meta-Programs

RELATED CONTENTS IN THE BOOK

Chapter 3.1.1 “Meta-Programs”

Meta-programs are superordinate programs of our brain, whose task is to filter which of the pieces of information flowing into us find their way from our subconscious to our conscious mind.

They determine what we look for and how we interpret situations and messages. They do not evaluate but merely filter whether we are interested in a message or not; they do not help to decide whether this message is good or bad, right or wrong for us (15). Meta-programs thus determine our typical patterns of thinking, how we are motivated, how we work best, and how we make the quickest decisions (16; 17; 18).

Each meta-program shows itself in two different patterns, whereby each person carries both within himself. Depending on the context, one of them can be more present and influence how someone thinks, acts and speaks. Similar to the distinction in “extroverted” and “introverted,” a meta-program can, for example, decide what motivates us: are we more attracted to the positive, or are we more concerned with avoiding negative situations? None of the characteristics are inherently good or bad, each has its advantages in a particular situation. Another example is whether we focus more on the big picture or whether we are more interested in details – so the meta-programs filter the information for us.

Often, we do not show a very clear preference for one of the patterns; the “area in between” (see illustration, the ambivalence) then allows us to use and apply both patterns successfully.

The meta-programs filter contextually for us. So we might, for example, like to discuss plans in detail with friends and family, while we prefer to make decisions by ourselves.

With regard to the subject of receptiveness, which is important for us, we distinguish between ten central meta-programs (subdivided into the overarching aspects of “motivation” and “information processing”), of which, depending on the context, we tend to show only three to four strongly in one direction. These are particularly relevant for establishing receptiveness.

The patterns of meta-programs can be recognized both in behaviour and in specific speech patterns, and “used” in the same way in communication. In order to do justice to your conversational partner’s meta-program and thus contribute to his emotional receptiveness, you should go through the following four stages:

1Become aware of your own meta-program patterns.

2Become aware of the meta-program patterns of your conversation partner.

3Check the compatibility of the patterns in the context.

4Operate the patterns of your conversation partner.

For meta-programs that are compatible in context (attention: “compatible” does not mean for every program “equal” – see details on the individual programs below), you will usually reach the conversation partner well out of your naturalness and you do not need to continue to focus on it. For those programs where you do find a lack of compatibility, you should adapt your own behaviour and speech patterns to the conversation partner’s and use them to create emotional receptiveness.

In the following, we will take a closer look at the individual meta-programs (adapted and expanded according to (15)).

Motivation Patterns

M1 Level: Proactive/Reactive

This meta-program provides information about a person’s activity, i.e. how fast someone is acting in a situation or how much energy and/or motivation someone has to perform a specific task.

Pattern

A Proactive

B Reactive

Recognizing

-Usually acts without much thought or analysis -Likes to take the initiative -Uses an active and clear sentence structure -Tends to be impatient -Often has difficulty sitting still for a long time

-Tends to wait and listen -Analyses situations to fully understand them before action is taken -Often waits for others to take the initiative -Uses many passive verbs and conditional sentences (would, could, should)

Sample question(s) and possible answers

Responds with active, short, clear sentences.

Responds with sentences that contain the words and .

Applying

Behaviour

-Do not hesitate, just go for it. -Use the same direct and active language. -Avoid bureaucratic delays.

-Give the other time for the analysis and do not push them. -If necessary, take the initiative and give the other person the opportunity to react. -Use linguistic passive forms and conjunctives.

Speech patterns

-Do it, get started, get it done -To avoid wasting unnecessary time … -Let’s hurry …

-Understand, think, wait, analyse -I thought of x and y … -After a thorough analysis …

M2 Direction: Toward/Away

This meta-program indicates the direction of a person’s motivation, that is, whether his or her motivation is more oriented towards a goal or rather serves to avoid something.

Pattern

A Toward

B Away

Recognizing

-Is strongly determined by goals -Does things to take advantage of opportunities -Talks about what can be gained or achieved

-Completes tasks or makes decisions to avoid disadvantages -Becomes active in appointments -Talks about what needs to be prevented -Names problems that need to be resolved

Sample question(s) and possible answers

Responds with sentences that include the words or

Responds with sentences that include the words , or

Applying

Behaviour

-Talk about what can be gained or achieved. -Focus conversations on arguments and goals. -Show advantages.

-Talk about what needs to be avoided. -Show what disadvantages can be prevented. -Set deadlines and appointments.

Speech...