O'Connor The Rory's Stories Guide to Parenting

1. Auflage 2024
ISBN: 978-1-80458-166-7
Verlag: Gill Books
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Englisch, 208 Seiten

THE PARENTING 'GUIDE' YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! Sleep deprivation, stray Lego underfoot, mashed potato on the walls, missing spoons and the unmatched pride that comes with being a father! From the social media sensation, this is a hilarious and painfully accurate look at what parenting really entails - in all its messy glory.

Rory O'Connor is a stand-up comedian, speaker and the mastermind behind the phenomenally successful social page Rory's Stories. From its modest beginnings where Rory would share anecdotes, skits and observations about life as a GAA supporter, Rory's Stories is today one of the biggest social media pages in the country, boasting an audience of over a million people - an audience so large, in fact, that Rory has toured his material to sold-out audiences as far afield as Australia and the Middle East. He has previously published four bestselling books with Gill, including his memoir, Rory's Story.

Autoren/Hrsg.

O'Connor, Rory

Leseproben

Telling the folks
When we found out that Emma was pregnant with our first child, Ella, I’d be lying if I said it was planned. It certainly wasn’t. Even though we had been going out with each other since we were 17 and 18, we were only 24 and 25 at the time of the pregnancy, both living at home and in far-from-stable or well-paid jobs. When she told me, she was very worried and upset about what our parents would say. I was the same because we were still living in a world where it was meant to be marriage and then kids, but as we all know, life doesn’t always work out the way you’d planned. Terror
We told her parents first. I was naturally terrified, as any lad is telling their girlfriend’s father that you got his daughter pregnant – it’s human nature, I suppose. But to be fair, they both took it well. I remember sitting in their living room, and after Emma announced it, there was a bit of silence and her father, Peter, looked over at me and said, ‘Well, I suppose congratulations,’ and shook my hand. That was as much as was said and that was good enough for me! I was worried about telling my own parents as well, especially my mam. She would have been fairly old-fashioned and big into the Catholic Church, like most of her generation, so I was worried that she wasn’t going to take it well. We decided to tell my father, Joe, first. I remember the evening well – anyone who’s been in the same position will know what I mean: you’re antsy, you’re stressed, you just want to blurt it out and get it out in the open. So myself and Emma decided we’d call him into the front room of their house on his own and spill the beans! I started the conversation with the old, ‘Da, do ya know the way myself and Emma have been going out with each other for seven years now …? Well …’ He butted in and said, ‘Jaysus, Rory, trust me, yous are too young to get married – and sure how would yas pay for it?’ I giggled and said, ‘Ah no, we’re not getting married, but, eh, but, eh, Emma is pregnant!’ The look on his face changed and he stood up and walked out of the room. I was shitting myself and Emma turned white! He then returned carrying a bottle of Jameson whiskey and a glass (you’d think the big bollox would have brought in a glass for myself and Emma as well!). He sat down, poured himself a large one and said, ‘Listen, Rory, your mother’s family are very holy, so I’m not sure how they’re going to take this, to be honest. My family, on the other hand, would be fairly into sport.’ I was thinking to myself, Where is he going with this one? ‘So that’s why tomorrow’ – we were due to play a league game against Navan O’Mahonys, who were the championship favourites in Meath at the time – ‘you need to get this out of your head and horse into the O’Mahonys lads!’ It gave me a badly needed laugh at the time, and to be fair, when we told my mam later that evening, she was OK about it. She seemed just like most parents – worried about how we were going to manage, as we didn’t have anywhere to rent and, like I said, were in poor-enough-paying jobs at the time. But as my grandaunt Peggy said when my mother told her the news, ‘Listen, Marie, I’d rather hear the news of a bump than a lump.’ And amen to that, Peggy! So now that our parents knew, it was a huge weight off our shoulders. It was time to plan for being parents. Five things people say when you tell them you’re going to be a parent
Obviously, when you become a parent it is going to bring massive change to your life – of course it is! Sure, you’re soon going to be responsible for another human being, which is a daunting experience. But you may also brace yourself for all the parenting gurus who will be queuing up to give you advice on how to be a parent! Here are the top five things people will say to you: ‘Do you know yet if you’re having a boy or a girl?’ ‘Ah God, that will put a stop to all your gallivanting, let me tell you.’ ‘You may kiss goodbye to your sleep!’ ‘Let me tell you this, your life will change from how you know it!’ (No shite, says you!) ‘Have you got a name yet?’ Are you ever ready, though, really – like, have everything sussed and are ready to nail being a parent? For starters, the amount of shit you have to buy in preparation! Mother of Jaysus! We were lucky that we had very supportive parents who were able to buy us the big stuff, like the buggy and a top-of-the-range bottle steriliser. There’s always a hand-me-down cot somewhere along an Irish family tree – we got one off my cousins, and I’d be pretty sure myself and my sister laid our heads on it when we were babies. A decent cot will keep going forever. Going shopping for the buggy is an adventure in itself. It’s one of those situations when men really need to draw on their acting skills in displaying interest. Your partner is showing you this one and that one, asking for your opinion, and deep within, if you’re being honest, you just want to go and have lunch or grab a coffee. Once it has wheels and the baby is safe and covered from the Irish weather, we honestly don’t care. Jaysus, some of the buggies on the market now are like spaceships – there’s a place for your coffee cup and for your child’s iPad, Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, a direct line to Santa Claus, the whole shebang! Prepare to over-prepare
When you are expecting your first child the hype is real and you overdose on the equipment, gadgets and material things. See, you are afraid to not be 110 per cent ready for what’s to come. A typical list when expecting your first child is: Nappies (some ‘poonamis’ have no respect for any nappies out there – just FYI) Baby wipes (there should be baby wipes in your house, whether you’re a parent or not!) Cotton-wool balls Nappy bags (handy for dog walks as well) Sudocrem (essential for all ages – never go on a stag weekend without it!) Changing table/station Changing mat (have the strongest eco-friendly wipes money can buy on hand for cleaning it!) The baby box (to hold nappies, wipes and so on for quick changes when the nappy has exploded) Portable changing mat Moses basket or cot Fitted sheets for Moses basket or cot (a soft towel works wonders when stuck) White-noise machine (works on certain adults as well – me!) Nightlight (for night feeds – sticking a bottle’s nipple up a nostril has been done!) Soothers/dodies × 100 Baby monitor (make sure you get the one with the camera – plenty of funny cot moving goes on, so it’s worth the watch!) Breast pads (if breastfeeding, of course – not recommended for men, at the minute!) Nipple cream A breast pump (FYI, men, don’t try it on yourself – nothing there, trust me!) Four to five bottles, with various sizes of teats Steriliser Bottle brush Bibs × 100 Formula Newborn vests × 100 0–3 months vests × 4 Scratch mitts Hats × 3 Pairs of socks × 3 Woolly cardigan or jumper × 3 Coats × 2 Baby bath Baby towels with hoods × 2 Bath foam Sling or baby carrier Car seat, with base Buggy/pram/travel system Pram blankets × 3 One multi-compartment bag Baby wipes × 100 Plastic container for powdered formula Suncream (factor 750!) Baby first-aid kit Calpol (NEVER RUN OUT OF CALPOL. I REPEAT, NEVER, EVER RUN OUT OF CALPOL!) Teething granules Baby thermometer Nasal bulb Next2Me crib Doughnut pillow Nursing rocking chair It’s honestly that detailed, the preparation for your first child. Now, that’s not across the board, but it’s fairly common and might just scare the shit out of you! The good news is, if you’re lucky enough to have more children, and haven’t been totally scarred by the experience of your first child, that list and all its detail drops dramatically with, I suppose, the experience, a bit of cop on and common sense. But with your first child, everyone wants to learn the hard way and over-prepare – we’re all guilty of...