Jackie A. Castro / MA / LMFT Fetish and You

Understanding and Embracing Your Fetish
1. Auflage 2015
ISBN: 978-0-9909727-3-0
Verlag: Volossal Publishing
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 260 Seiten

A revolutionary book that validates sexual uniqueness instead of making it a source of shame. Are you sexually aroused by a specific object, act or behavior? Do you keep your thoughts a secret? Do you worry that your partner will find out and reject you? Do you feel ashamed, alone and embarrassed? I've got good news! You're not broken. You're not a freak, pervert or sexual deviant. You have a sexual fetish. This fetish can be embraced, controlled and managed. My name is Jackie A. Castro and I can help you. I am a licensed psychotherapist in the state of California. For over two decades, I have worked with clients who have agonized about having erotic interests 'out of the norm'. I have developed a ground breaking Five Point Fetish Plan that will provide winning tools for fetish management including ways to introduce your fetish to a long-term partner. Includes: Checklists, Exercises, Quizzes and Practical Solutions. 'Fetish and You' will help you transition from shame and self-loathing to confidence and self-acceptance.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Jackie A. Castro, MA, LMFT

MA,

LMFT,

Leseproben

Chapter 1 - Our Puritanical Society
We live on a planet that loves to assign labels. This is the way we categorize people, places and things. But all too often, these labels are rigid, unyielding and leave little room for variation. We’re smart or stupid. Tall or short. Happy or sad. We form opinions about others based upon what we were told as children. These opinions are often racially based and full of stereotypes. Yet, because we’ve heard these things during our formative years, we think of them as the Gospel truth. We don’t question what we’re told. We just formulate incorrect belief systems which we adopt and adapt as our own. We don’t even think to question the facts. Gender dictates a great deal of how we view the world, as well as how we see ourselves. From the moment we’re born, we’re expected to behave in accordance with being male or female. Pink or blue. Ballet or sports. English or math. Think about all the differences we take for granted simply based upon gender. Parents treat girl babies differently than boy babies. Girls are handled daintily while boys are roughhoused. Girls are expected to be well-behaved while boys are given more leeway, often with the shrug, “Boys will be boys.” But what exactly does that mean? Though much progress has been made, these societal standards still exist. By and large, men are expected to be the main financial supporters of their family. Women can work outside the house, but it’s not required. Men statistically earn more money for the same job. Eyebrows are still raised if a man chooses to be a stay-at-home dad while his wife goes out to bring home the bacon. Things are definitely changing but double standards still exist. Women are still thought of as emotionally driven while men are portrayed as rational decision makers. An interesting case to prove this point came about during the 2004 presidential primaries. We had two very controversial candidates to choose from—an African-American male and a Caucasian female. Both of these candidates crossed cultural norms and challenged racially-driven attitudes. When push came to shove, the African-American male triumphed over the Caucasian female. Of course, there were many other factors present, but think about the outcome. Even in our “progressive” country, we still consider women to be second class by the very nature of their sex. Yes, we’ve evolved, but we still have a long way to go toward genuine equality between men and women. Along with these messages about sexual gender come even stronger messages about how to express our sexual behavior. Universally, girls are taught that their sexuality is something to be protected. Sex can be a useful tool in solidifying a relationship, controlling a partner and, of course, creating life. Boys are given a completely different message. They are encouraged to explore, conquer, and get as much as possible. Boys are schooled to be careful about making babies but the other messages seem to hold more importance. Promiscuous boys are players while promiscuous girls are sluts. Guys are expected to be initiators while girls who take the lead are labeled as aggressive. Suffice to say that there’s a huge difference when it comes to the expectations the world community bestows on us simply by the virtue of being born male or female. Sex is a topic that human beings don’t really like to discuss. Parents dread questions about sex from their kids. These days, moms and dads are happy (and relieved!) that most schools offer basic sex education. But the information given is generally awkward and often unconvincing. When it comes to sex talk, it’s universally met with embarrassment, shame and a touch of childish snickering. As a result, we embrace inflexible beliefs that validate the concept of “normalcy.” We fall back upon stereotypes and myths that have been handed down from generation to generation. There are scores of rigid sexual beliefs that go something like this: - Sex should be performed between one man and one woman. - Sex means that the male inserts his penis into the woman’s vagina. This is called intercourse. - Intercourse should be performed between a man and woman who are in love and better yet, married. - Intercourse also produces babies. Some religions advocate sex only for the purpose of procreation. - Men are the initiators when it comes to sex. - Men are the aggressors in matters sexual. - Women submit to the sexual act upon her man’s desires. - Ejaculation is the goal and completes the act of intercourse.   Within the last four decades, thanks to sexologists like Masters and Johnson, we’ve broadened our views to include gems like this: - Women have a clitoris, which is instrumental in female sexual pleasure. - Women have orgasms from either intercourse or clitoral stimulation. - It’s okay, and even preferable, for a woman to enjoy sex. - Men can perform cunnilingus and still be considered “men.” - Marital aids or sex toys like vibrators are fine to incorporate into the sex act. - Some kinky play like light bondage or teasing with feathers is acceptable.   We have definitely made immense strides in our knowledge about sexuality, but our core beliefs are far from progressive. The letters LGBT (which stand for “lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender”) are as common as USA or LOL. But deep down, we’re not as accepting as we pretend to be. Awareness is a totally different beast than genuine acceptance. Lesbians are still seen as women who have “settled” for a female because they are masculine, inferior or hurt. Gay men are sissies and not real men. Bisexuals are thought of as mainly gay or just plain horny. And transgenders are still a mystery to just about everyone. The very idea of the sex-change process is still considered pretty abhorrent Although many US states sanction gay marriage, I’m referring to society’s general belief system rather than legalities. People will give lip service to the LGBT community but if they were totally honest, most parents pray for a straight child. The negative messages are so ingrained that many LGBT people keep their sexual preference a secret from their family and at their job. Is the world really more open-minded? Are we changing our old, antiquated beliefs? Maybe a little, but we still have a long way to go. Science is discovering that people do not choose to be gay, straight or transgender. Today there is evidence that sexuality is genetically preordained. Human beings are born with their sexual map in place. Nobody chooses to be straight or gay. And we don’t choose our predilections either. This includes you, the forgotten population. You, the man who has a sexual fetish. There, I said it. You didn’t choose to have a fetish. Your fetish chose you. And just like the LGBT population, you too must contend with a population that is unyielding and rigid about any kind of sexuality that is different from the norm. But unlike those in the LGBT population, you have to deal with something even more insidious. Loneliness. The idea of sexual fetish is relatively new. Many of you probably didn’t even know how to define the fact that your penis gets erect when exposed to thoughts or stimuli different than what you were schooled to think was arousing. Remember, sex education is rudimentary. It covers only the basics. Chances are good that no one ever mentioned the fact that hundreds of thousands of you (maybe more) get aroused by words, objects and acts outside the confines of conventional sexuality. Many of you have been helped by the Internet. Finally, you know that you aren’t alone. But a large number of you have been dealing with your fetish since the pre-Internet days. I know how you’ve suffered. I know how you’ve felt so plagued and disgusted with yourself. No matter how many websites profess to specialize in your fetish, if you were completely honest with yourself, you still feel isolated and alone. You believe there is something “wrong” with you. No woman will want you. You envy the LGBT community for their openness and support system. You wish there was a community of fetishists. (Actually, there is. Many large cities like New York have fetish “clubs” like the Eulenspiegel Society or TES, http://www.tes.org/ and fetlife.com) Unfortunately, this self-loathing keeps everyone apart. We don’t want the stigma of being sexually different. Especially when it’s something we conceive to be embarrassing and perverse. I realize that many of you feel you’re condemned to live a life without intimacy, especially within the confines of a sexually-inflexible global community. How in the world are you going to explain that you’d rather suck your lover’s toes than her nipples? How can you tell your wife that you’d rather see her dressed in thigh-high boots than in a negligee? That your need for pain is stronger than your need for pleasure? Your dilemma is not unfounded. Nor are your feelings of confusion, shame and guilt. How do you expect to function normally in a culture where there are so many predisposed expectations about sex, relationships and male/female roles? No wonder you live in a constant state of anxiety and fear about your fetish! No wonder you’re baffled about how to have your fetish and a relationship, too. Your concern is completely understandable considering that we live in a world filled with prejudice. But there is hope. The good news is that people are beginning to acknowledge that fetish or offbeat...