Fernando The Family Life of a Christian Leader

1. Auflage 2016
ISBN: 978-1-4335-5293-9
Verlag: Crossway
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 0 - No protection

E-Book, Englisch, 224 Seiten

Anyone involved in Christian ministry knows how challenging it is to balance ministry and family responsibilities. Many demands pull leaders in different directions-making it easy to neglect one or the other, often without even realizing it. Writing from decades of counseling and personal ministry experience, Ajith Fernando points Christian leaders back to the most important aspect of their lives: their relationship with God. He then offers practical guidance for responding to real-life situations in the home, including disciplining children, dealing with disappointment, loving one's spouse, and pursuing joy. This book presents Christian leaders with a healthy and God-centered understanding of family that leads to a flourishing home.

Ajith Fernando (ThM, Fuller Theological Seminary) is the teaching director of Youth for Christ in Sri Lanka after serving as the ministry's national director for thirty-five years. He and his wife, Nelun, are active in a church ministering primarily to the urban poor, and his ministry includes counseling and mentoring younger staff and pastors. He is the author of twenty-one books published in twenty-four languages. Ajith lives in Colombo, Sri Lanka, with his wife, and they have two adult children and four grandchildren.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Fernando, Ajith

Leseproben

1

God

Christian leaders naturally accept that the most important factor in their family life is God; that is, their commitment to God and God’s commitment to them. But while we tend to take this for granted, it is necessary for me to say some things about God’s role in our family lives right at the start of this book.

God Is Committed to Our Marriages

We often quote Joshua’s statement of commitment to serve God with his family: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15). But more important than our decision as families to serve the Lord is God’s decision to bless our marriages and families.

About marriage, Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6). That statement has become a major proclamation given at Christian wedding services.

When a couple plans a wedding service, they look into many things: Who should be invited? What should they wear? Who will decorate the church? Who will perform the music, preach the homily, and solemnize the marriage proper? Who will sign as attesting witnesses? Will there be a separate reception or merely some refreshments outside the church after the service? These are important things to think about. However, rarely does the couple think seriously about the vows they will make before God. The vows are viewed as a necessary part of the ritual, but not a part that requires much preparation.

Yet the vows are the key to the marriage. They are part of the covenant that is made that day, a covenant of which God is the primary partner. He comes to bless, seal, and protect the marriage. And Jesus says that because God joins the couple together, no human being or human agency must separate them. This is so even when the persons who have married do not seem to be suited for each other. Once God has joined the couple together, he can provide them with the grace to stay together and develop a good home.

Indeed, the couple may encounter huge problems that seem to be impossible to resolve. But the fact that God has joined them together gives them the confidence that he has the ability to keep them together. They will need to work hard to solve their problems, but they can do so with the confidence that, if they are obedient to God, God will see them through. So they do not talk about getting divorced. Neither one tells a person who is not their spouse, “You are the kind of person I should have married.” I have heard of Christians who have told a person of the opposite sex, “My husband/wife does not satisfy me,” implying that this other person could give them the satisfaction they miss from their spouses. Such statements have no place in a Christian marriage. These statements are indications that the couple does not believe that God will help them succeed in their marriage.

Belief is one of the basic values of Christianity, and it applies to every area of life. When it comes to marriage, we believe that the God who has sealed our marriage covenants will help us keep our marriages safe and growing until the end. This belief gives us the strength to battle for a happy home without giving up when the problems become huge and complex. Believing Christians refuse to yield to the temptation to throw up their hands in despair or self-pity when there is a problem. Trusting in God’s ability, they fight the fight of faith for their marriages with humility, knowing that their sinful attitudes can hinder God’s healing grace (more on that in the next chapter).

The assurance that the God who is committed to our families is bigger than every problem we face is also a source of great peace and security. The Bible promises that “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Rom. 8:28). This is the assurance with which we face every crisis that our marriages and families encounter. We believe God can turn a crisis into something good.

At the start of our marriage, my wife and I decided that, in keeping with Paul’s instruction, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph. 4:26), when we have a disagreement, we will not go to sleep until it is solved and unity is restored. My wife and I have such different personalities that we took some years to adjust to each other. So in those first few years, we had many “love fights” that extended late into the night until a resolution came. I learned an important lesson during that time. With my mouth, I spoke to my wife, and with my ears, I listened to her. But in my heart, I prayed to God. My prayer was usually something like this: “Please! Oh, please, God, help us!”

The knowledge that God was involved in our issues changed our whole perspective on them. Deep down, we experienced that “peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7) that comes as a result of letting our “requests be made known to God” (v. 6). That peace rules in our hearts (Col. 3:15). As such, it moderates our arguments. How can we say unkind things to our spouses and children or use obscene language when God is right there as part of the conversation? Why should we panic when we have the peace of realizing that God is there to see us through to a resolution? Knowing that God is committed to our marriages markedly influences our attitude to the problems we face.

Work for All in the Family to Be Committed to God

It goes without saying that the greatest desire of Christian leaders for the members of our families is that they become God’s children and follow him. God’s desire for Israel is surely our desire for our families: “Oh that they had such a heart as this always, to fear me and to keep all my commandments, that it might go well with them and with their descendants forever!” (Deut. 5:29).

I am not going to spend much time with the fact that it is absolutely essential for a committed Christian to marry a committed Christian. The strong denunciation in Ezra 9 and 10 of the practice of marrying those who do not follow God serves as a serious warning against considering such a step. Yet, sadly, many Christians have done this. The force of love or parental pressure was so irresistible that they chose to disobey God and marry unbelievers. Thankfully, God does not abandon those who repent of wrong decisions they have made. Paul teaches that a person married to an unbeliever should remain faithful to him or her (1 Cor. 7:12–13). He even says that, because of the believer, the unbelieving spouse is, in a sense, made holy, thus making the children born to that marriage holy (v. 14).

What can we do to encourage the members of our families to follow God? Let me mention two powerful actions we can take.

The Power of a Beautiful Life

Peter shows how important it is for Christians to work toward bringing their unbelieving spouses to Christ. He implies that the beauty of their lives rather than their words is most powerful in challenging unbelieving spouses. He says, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (1 Pet. 3:1–2). He goes on to show the power of a beautiful life: “Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (v. 4). Today there is a lot of emphasis on people being beautiful when they are outside their homes. Peter is teaching here that being beautiful to our spouses in the way we behave is far more important. Song of Solomon does commend outward physical beauty. However, there the husband and wife are beautiful for each other, not for the world outside to see. How countercultural is the biblical approach to family! We aim to be beautiful primarily in order to bring joy to our spouses!

The evangelist Rodney “Gypsy” Smith (1860–1947) served for a time with the Wesleyan mission in Manchester, England. One of the women in that ministry frequently requested prayers for the conversion of her husband, John. Sadly, she also had a terrible temper. Sometimes when her husband would be close to surrendering to the claims of Christ, she would upset him by having a temper tantrum. Her husband would say, “Well, Mary, if that is religion, I don’t want it.” She would later apologize and ask his forgiveness, but he made a habit of using her temper as his reason for not following Christ.

One day, Smith talked to the woman frankly and told her that she must learn to overcome her temper. He assured her that Christ would give her the grace to enable her to curb her habit. Believing in God, she made a commitment to start a new chapter in her life. It happened to be at a time when they were fixing up their house. Mary had just put in new carpet and a new ceiling lamp, which she had hung in the hallway. John, not knowing about the new lamp, came home carrying something on his shoulder. As he turned the corner, he hit the lamp, and it all came crashing down in shattered pieces.

John braced for his wife’s usual response, a torrent of angry words and berating comments. But rather than the typical response, John was surprised to hear nothing. Instead, his wife looked down over the stairs at him and simply said: “Never mind, husband! It...