E It's a Sin ...? All in the name of love!

1. Auflage 2022
ISBN: 978-3-99131-401-1
Verlag: novum pro Verlag
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Englisch, 136 Seiten

Written with age and knowledge taken into consideration, these are one man's reflections on the changes in the lives of gay men over the past 70 years. History alone will tell its own story, but this book comprises the personal memories and experiences of Tim, who was born in the first Baby Boom. From the simple act of 'coming out' to friends and family to the admission of behaving normally to conform with belief or expectancy, and the heartache this can cause many years down the line, it is hoped that the subjects covered will help even just one soul to realise they have done no wrong, but accept the true fact of life...it's a 'sin,' but all in the name of love. The book is aimed at anyone who feels trapped in marriage, who remains 'in the closet' because of the laws and the fear of being outed.

Autoren/Hrsg.

E, Jonathan

Leseproben

Chapter 1 - 1930s: The Great Depression & Teenage Years Tim was born in June 1934. His father, William, was a senior clerk with the local council. Martha, Tim’s mum, worked part time cleaning & cooking at the Village Manor, whilst at the same time looking after 7 children. William & Martha had lived locally all their lives; childhood sweethearts, they married in their local Catholic church in their late teens. Home was a three-bedroom terraced house, one of thirty houses located on each side of a long and narrow cobbled street. William’s eight brothers and sisters, along with a similar number of Martha’s family, all lived within five miles of each other; a very close-knit community environment. One may say Tim’s arrival was an accident, with his youngest sister at the time, Mavis, being 12, and his four other siblings aged 14 to 22; two sisters and three brothers in total. Birth control was virtually non-existent and abortion never an option … never permitted to even be discussed. When Tim was seven, a baby sister was born. Leaving School and Meeting Expectations Once one reached the age of 14 schooling ended, and one was expected to find work or join the Army, Navy or Airforce in order to contribute to family finances. Hence, during Tim’s younger years he did not see much of his brothers and sisters apart from Mavis, twelve years older than Tim. Tim’s eldest brother, Walter, was in the Air Force, stationed in what was then known as Southern Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe). Harold, the next eldest brother, was a sailor serving on board the destroyer HMS Howe. Tim recalls his early years comprised of spending a considerable amount of time with Mavis, joining in her games; playing with her dollhouse and dressing her dolls with brightly coloured clothes and materials. As time would tell, later in life, this early introduction to dressing up/being creative & ‘arty’ influenced Tim’s future activities, both at work and for pleasure. The long street resulted in many children also playing in the street. Innovation and technology had only extended to the occasional household owning a small wireless (radio), and no child had the joy of watching television nor using modern technology. This resulted in creating their own games and pastimes from their own ingenuity and a sense of curiosity, creating endless hours of enjoyment for virtually no cost. Little Contact with Dad & Brothers Tim saw very little of his father. On Saturdays Tim’s father would go to the local football/cricket match, along with, when possible, two of Tim’s older brothers who, like their father, loved all sports; it was a big part of their life. Walter, the eldest brother, who like Tim was not sporty, would be working down the pit. The local coal mines, being a large employer in the area, also employed three of Tim’s uncles. That was until WW2 broke out, when any male 18 and over was enlisted. Sunday lunch time, Tim’s father would join Tim’s five uncles at the Hare & Hounds for their customary pre-Sunday-lunch drinks. One of Tim’s uncles was captain of the Hare & Hounds dart team. The team’s practice and dart matches typically consumed three, if not four nights a week for Tim’s father & uncles. On top of this, Tim’s father and uncles would spend time attending boxing matches, watching his brothers compete, and going to the horse & dog races. Throughout the family the subject of sport was laboured, particularly on his father’s side: boxers and footballers, some of them of note. All his uncles had been involved in it, as far as history told. Seeing very little of his father, Tim was very close to his mum. This continued to be the case for the remainder of Tim’s school years. Academically, Tim was always in the top ten of his year; however, he had just a few friends at school. Not Being Part of the Team Tim had never been a sportsman, or indeed, a lover of any sport in general. He would do anything to avoid the one subject he disliked most – as time would prove! Like lots of boys his age, Tim didn’t quite understand that to be a boy, he had to “be on the team,” so to speak. When it came to PE lessons the teacher encouraged competition and would create four teams. Each team had a team leader, and they would take it in turns to choose which boys would be in their teams. One could not describe Tim as being large-built, but he certainly was not the thinnest or fittest, and not being sports-minded, was always nearly the last, if not the last, to be asked to join a team. This sense of rejection continued to play on Tim’s mind and made him feel different, or even abnormal. Tim also found himself on the receiving end of schoolboy bullying. One particular boy, in the next year above Tim, would make him share whatever Tim’s mum had packed for lunch. Tim had learnt that failure to comply would result in receiving a beating. Overall, Tim’s self-confidence was not his strength and, again, played on Tim’s mind. Being Close to Mum – Consequences Tim also recalls, upon reflection, the verbal bullying in his early years. The saying “tied to his mother’s apron strings” was common in those days; boys who behaved in that way were referred to as “loners.” At the time Tim did not know any different. Tim had his hobbies and occasionally went out and about with his few friends; he wasn’t an unhappy child. Like all children from big families, Tim was used to family squabbles, perhaps more so, as his two older brothers had been in the armed forces and abroad for so many of his growing years. The family disputes were usually late at night, for whatever reason. Walter, Tim’s eldest brother, more than 20 years older, had obviously seen more of life and its experiences than Tim. Whatever the reason for the latest argument, Tim’s eldest brother was obviously aware of the closeness between his mother and his younger brother. Tim’s memories often took him back to the hours when the two of them had left the family home mid-argument and walked the streets, whatever the weather, until things had quietened down. They would wait in the outside toilet until everyone had gone to bed. Tim had one outstanding memory of all these times, but he never understood it. That memory was of Walter pointing at Tim holding onto his mother, shouting, “He’s queer!” “Look at him, queer!” Looking back now, it is easy to realise why the subject was never discussed. The two brothers really never got on, there was always friction, but many years later things might have changed as life itself changed. It is strange to think that as life became more normal to Tim and he met so many guys like himself, guys from different backgrounds, occupations, etc., it was difficult to realise these were the times of the illegality for them all, irrespective of who they were. Knowing so many people who would introduce Tim to “my twin brother,” “my younger brother,” or sometimes older, in a genuine loving way; perhaps this is why Tim could not understand his own situation. Displaying Artistic Skills It is a known fact that many homosexuals are, to a great extent, part of the “arty world,” and Tim has many memories of his involvement with that side of life. Brothers who would have shared a life in the theatre world – not necessarily on stage but, in one case, one of them was in the orchestra, a brilliant pianist, and the other the musical director. Both were super guys in their own right, but very respectable and discreet. It may be remembered that one so-called ‘star of stage and screen’ sought to discover why he was gay and yet not his brother; consequent programs gave reasons, but were they undeniably correct or was it hope? It has to be remembered that although this was many years ago, before the 1967 changes in the sexuality act being passed, it was also not too distant from the Second World War, and all children had come through an experience they didn’t understand. “Wartime” Childhood and Schooling Children were either rough and ready, due to the times, or delicate; both self-explanatory. It is easy to understand that they were rough and ready, not in presentation, but because of the shortages and rationing. Family standards had, perhaps reluctantly, suffered, and the children behaved as best as they knew: well behaved, polite, and well cared-for, but all around them the ruins of buildings and houses they were familiar with, still standing derelict, awaiting demolition or some other such fate, changing all around them. Of course, those referred to as delicate were the children who, apart from sharing all of that, needed the closeness of parents, family etc. So many had been torn away from such safety into being evacuees, taken at a minute’s notice from all that was familiar to be placed in unusual circumstances – frightening, to say the least. It wasn’t necessarily health conditions that made those boys and girls delicate; it was what was going on around them that made them clingy. No, it did not make them homosexual, as is sometimes suggested; they were genuinely more sensitive than others in many ways. One mentions this simply because, after a night like Tim...