Abbott Beyond Pregnancy Loss

From Heartbreak To Healing
1. Auflage 2010
ISBN: 978-0-646-59196-4
Verlag: Davlen International Pty Ltd
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 235 Seiten

'Beyond Pregnancy Loss: From Heartbreak To Healing' provides parents who have lost babies with a source of comfort and healing. The unique aspect of the publication is that it goes beyond the facts and figures to walk parents through a healthy grieving process. 'Beyond Pregnancy Loss: From Heartbreak To Healing' also features moving accounts in their own words from women around the world. They express their grief, anger and often guilt that they could have done more to protect their unborn child and share the individual ways they continue to honour their babies' memories. The author Helen Abbott includes her own story of her excruciating decision, with her husband David, to undergo the medical termination of her first pregnancy in 2006. Rose from Victoria shares her touching story of the far reaching impact the death in utero of her daughter Rose Jr. 18 years ago has had on her life and family. In the course of sharing her story over 17 pages she reaches a place of healing where she is able to open up to her two surviving children about the tragedy for the first time. Helen said like many of the women who offered their stories for publication, Rose found re-living her experience painful but ultimately cathartic. Pregnancy Loss Australia, Australia's Leading support group for bereaved parents, has enthusiastically endorsed 'Beyond Pregnancy Loss: From Heartbreak To Healing' and will be recommending it to clients.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Abbott, Helen

Leseproben

  My Story - The shroud of silence I knew prior to our loss that pregnancy was not all smooth sailing. Having friends who had experienced losses in all three trimesters ensured that I had a more sober view of what the journey of pregnancy could involve. While it never crossed my mind that it would happen to me, I at least knew that it could. I was also well aware of the difficulties in discussing the prospect of such a loss. It was obvious to me back then that pregnancy loss was a topic that people generally avoided. What I didn’t realise back then was that the knowledge I was gaining from observing the losses of others was in some way preparing me for what was to come. I kept both of my pregnancies a secret for many months. We announced our first pregnancy after the traditional 13 weeks because it seemed like the right thing to do and I knew that if something happened I would want to deal with it privately. As fate had it, we lost our first baby at 18 weeks, which made it anything but private. We kept our second pregnancy a secret until the 18 week ultrasound. This was a major challenge, but I was adamant that I did not want to relive the pain of sharing sad news with people if my experience was to be the same as the first. Sadly, I realise now that by keeping silent about my pregnancy and any subsequent pregnancy loss, I was perpetuating the very silence that surrounds this tragic yet common experience.   Traditionally as a society we avoid discussing topics that are considered controversial. Only a few decades ago the taboo topics we were encouraged to avoid were sex, politics and religion, which now seem to be socially acceptable in any forum. In the current era with the Internet and social networking consuming our time as well as our thoughts, nothing appears to be ‘off limits’. However, there is still one unwelcome guest at any dinner party conversation - death. As hard as the concept of death might be to contemplate, there is a hierarchy of what is acceptable. In some circumstances, death is easier to come to terms with than in others. There are no guarantees in life, and each day we acknowledge the possibility of tragedy touching our lives. Those of us who have experienced the loss of a loved one understand how suddenly someone precious can be taken from us. Even with this knowledge (and no matter how painful each loss is) there are some losses that we accept more easily than others. This is outlined beautifully in the following Buddhist parable. A man comes to the Buddha and asks for a definition of happiness. The Buddha replies, “Grandfather dies, father dies, son dies.” “That sounds like terrible unhappiness”, the man replies. “No” the Buddha says, “This is the natural course of things, and that is the most happiness we can expect. Think of the sorrow if the son dies before the father and the father before the grandfather.”1 The loss of a child is an unbearable thought to every parent, regardless of the circumstances behind the death. Parents never expect to outlive their children regardless of the child’s age. This, as the parable indicates, brings unquestionable and relentless sorrow. There are degrees of discomfort associated with any discussion about death, and the death of a child is perhaps the least talked about. This, of course, extends to the loss of a baby during pregnancy. Love, bonding, hopes and dreams do not start when a child is born. The relationship can start prior to conception and certainly from the moment a pregnancy is confirmed. Thus, the death of a child during pregnancy needs to be viewed for most parents, and those around them, as exactly that – the death of a child. Pregnancy loss brings an end to a very unique and important connection with the baby. There were my two babies in my arms, both asleep forever. I cried and cried with my husband. Our world as we knew it had come to an end. I looked at our precious babies. Taking in every little detail I could. They were so perfect. We held each other and our babies and cried. Cried for all we had lost, cried for our precious babies, cried for all our hopes and dreams shattered in an instant. Then the sun came up and it was the day we had to say goodbye. This day was the hardest moment of our lives. No parent should ever have to go through it. You always imagine being the ones to go before your kids not the other way around. I cried out in anger, I wailed in sadness. My world, my existence, would never be the same. My heart was truly broken. Kimberley, twins at 20 weeks, South Australia My pregnancy was perfect and before I knew it I was in my 36th week. One day I noticed that I had not felt the baby’s movement for 24 hours. I thought I was being paranoid but at the ultrasound we received the news that our baby didn’t have a heartbeat. We were devastated. To have to bury my own child was soul destroying. This wasn’t how it was meant to be. Glenys, 36 weeks, Western Australia Pregnancy loss stands out as one of the least discussed categories in the broader topic of death for a few reasons. There is a general lack of understanding by society of the validity and significance of pregnancy loss, as well as a lack of awareness on both sides of how to approach or discuss the topic, and the personal guilt and embarrassment that are often associated with the experience. Much like any sensitive topic, it is left to those who have experienced it to lead the way in opening the door for discussion and breaking the taboo that we have at some stage been a part of creating. Are We Perpetuating the Shroud of Silence? There are several external reasons that cause us to refrain from discussing pregnancy loss openly. Many of us don’t want to offend others or risk making them uncomfortable, but there are another two standout reasons that seem to perpetuate the silence to a large degree. Both of these stem from our own issues, not those of the people we may be speaking to. One reason relates to the potential guilt and shame associated with what has happened, and the other stems from the silence that surrounds pregnancy in the first trimester, which is where we will begin. Our Little Secret… There are a number of reasons why people choose to retain a level of secrecy around the discovery of their pregnancy. Some women feel overwhelmed with their pending motherhood. Even a planned and very much wanted pregnancy can take time to mentally, emotionally and physically adjust to. Getting our heads around the fact that our life as we know it has changed forever and will soon revolve around a tiny person takes some getting used to. If the pregnancy is a surprise, more time may be required before announcing the news to the world. Sometimes the silence comes from a desire simply to have a special secret that we can share with our partner. This can be a lovely experience to share together, even just for a little while. Any amount of time without those well-meaning friends and relatives telling us what we should and shouldn’t be eating, drinking, doing or thinking can be heavenly! I met everyone’s expectations by only telling the world of my two pregnancies when I was “safely” past my 12th week. Both times I wondered why I was holding such wonderful news in for so long. Mary, New South Wales, Australia While each of us is different, I preferred to wait to share the news until I had a significantly increased statistical chance of carrying to full term. Keeping the news secret until my chances were higher was simply a way of protecting myself. Susan, South Australia For some women, the concerns about the impact on work can cause us to hold back from sharing the news. However, by far the most common reason for the newly pregnant couples’ decision not to tell until after a reassuring 12-week scan is the relatively high risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. According to the most recent statistics, one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage and 80% of all miscarriages occur in the first 12 weeks,2 so it seems logical that many of us wait for the ‘all clear’ at 12 weeks before making any major announcements. The reality is of course that while the risks associated with miscarriage are higher in early pregnancy, there is never really a time during gestation that it becomes ‘all clear’. The myth of needing to keep pregnancy a closely guarded secret has also been perpetuated to some degree by our well-meaning female predecessors and friends, with the often heard superstition that announcing a pregnancy too early can bring ‘bad luck’ in the form of miscarriage. “People respond differently based on their beliefs and personal circumstances.” As with all aspects of pregnancy and pregnancy loss, there is no consistent reaction. People respond differently based on their beliefs and personal circumstances. Some friends have shared their pregnancy with me mere minutes after the second line appears on their pregnancy test, while others have happily waited and announced it at the 13th week, stating that the ‘high risk’ period is over. While many may still want to keep it ‘hush hush’, with all fingers and toes superstitiously crossed, there are clearly advantages and disadvantages to sharing the news early. Often, telling only two or three of the people closest to us is a pretty common compromise – enough so that there is support...